“3 Things To Remember While Waiting For Mr. Right”
“10 Tips For Finding Mr. Right”
“Single Woman: 7 Strategies for Meeting Mr. Right”
“Waiting For Your Boaz”
Books, blogs, posts, articles, memes, quotes, and charming photos: the list goes on and on and on… How many times have you read something directed at ladies on how to properly “wait for the right man”. Now how many times have you seen anything directed at presumptuously helping men find their “one and only”. The difference is shocking.
I recently came across an article with a title that seemed to advise women NOT to wait on their “Boaz” (for non-religious readers, that’s Bible-speak for Mr. Right). Encouraged, myself and several others started to read it, excited to find something geared toward empowering women right where they are in life, instead of advising that they need to wait for a man to complete them and make them whole. Sadly, within just a few sentences, it became clear that the article was advising women to not “just wait for Boaz, but instead be open to men like Abraham or Jonah!” Um…what?
After a few bullet points dedicated to outlining the extremely subtle supposed differences between Bible characters, the article ended with an admonishment to women to not only continue waiting, but to somehow feel guilty that they weren’t being “open-minded” enough. “So many woman are waiting on a man like this certain biblical character. Don’t do that!! Instead, wait for a man like these other biblical characters!!” This is nonsense.
Women. Men. EVERYONE. Please hear this: you DON’T NEED TO WAIT for someone else to come along in order to reach your full potential.
Women. Men. EVERYONE. Please hear this: you DON’T NEED TO WAIT for someone else to come along in order to reach your full potential. There is NOTHING wrong with you. You don’t have to follow a nonsensical list to somehow magically grant you the love of your life. You don’t have to POSITION yourself juuuuuust right in hopes that “Boaz” or “Elijah” won’t walk right by you on the way to their morning coffee run. God isn’t taunting you with love like a carrot just out of reach. You’re not being punished for something just because you aren’t in a relationship with someone else right now.
So what exactly IS the reason why you’re not in a relationship if you really want one? Well, I’ll tell you. And this is the honest truth…
I don’t know. No one does. If they claim to know, they’re lying to you. I believe in God, and I don’t believe God is evil or manipulative. I believe God cares deeply about you and the desires of your heart. So, all I can do is what I wished more friends would have done for me: I will sit with you. I will listen. I will provide suggestions for actions on how to meet more people. I’ll set you up with friends of mine (if you’re comfortable with that), but here’s a few things I’m NOT going to do. I will NOT start in with the platitudes, unasked for advice, or sickly sweet “sympathy”.
You’re fine. You’re better than fine: you’re awesome! And when someone comes along who loves you and who you love back, you’ll still be awesome.
I will also NOT make you feel bad or “less than” because you’re single OR because you’re in a relationship. That’s a load of crap. No matter our “relationship status”, we’re all just human. We’re all loved. We’re ALL valuable. Right where we are. If you really want to take a look at the Bible for illustrations of women hailed as heroes, warriors, and examples, let’s take a look at one of my favorite bad-ass female heroes in the Scriptures. Let me introduce you to this woman named Jael. She helped out this other amazing woman named Deborah and, together, with a few others, saved an entire nation.
Though sometimes the Bible can be twisted to hurt, oppress, or shame women, when we look at Scripture honestly, we find it is shocking in how often it pushes back against patriarchy and limitations based on gender. Read these thoughts by Christina Allen and take a fresh look at “waiting” on a significant other as we flip the script and see through the eyes of a man waiting on his “Jael”:
- Jael is going to be on God’s mission. She will already have found some place to serve because she’s not waiting on you to give her life purpose. And since many churches narrowly limit the opportunities of women to serve, you will probably find her serving in a secular context, such as a school or volunteer organization. The mission of God is an unquenchable fire in her bones and sitting on her hands is simply not an option.
- Jael is a fierce woman. Her passion might be a little frightening because passive and lukewarm are not in her vocabulary. She may be blunt and honest and even a bit competitive. But don’t let her intimidate you. As fierce as she is, she is an even fiercer lover. She will fight back-to-back with you against any assailant. She will not make a good subordinate, but she’s a perfect ally.
She will not make a good subordinate, but she’s a perfect ally.
- Jael doesn’t need you…at least not in the way you may be tempted to think or desire. She is not some sad princess in a tower waiting for you to save the day and make her whole. She is complete in God. He is her Bridegroom first, and always will be. It might even make you a little envious. She’s not going to ask your permission to do something with which God has tasked her. She’s not going to play weak so you can feel strong. She IS strong, and she wants you to be too. She wants iron to sharpen her iron. She desires a true partner who will serve God with her.
- Jael is worth it. She’s the reason why they say, “two heads are better than one”. She’s an asset in battle, not a liability. She won’t make you feel like lord of a castle, but she will make you feel alive with a kind of love that only a woman stepping up into the Image of God in her can give: a rare and precious love that she will show to you in a uniquely special way.
- She is the treasure buried in the field because she is the Kingdom advancing. If you want her, you’re going to have to sell off your pride and self-exaltation. Hers are already gone. You’ll have to banish any thought of ruling over her because God rules her. Submit to her as she submits to you and as you both submit to God. Only then will you truly have found your Jael.
Written by Christina Allen and Katie Pridgen